poofacekilla
Irradiated Lemon
The Opposite of War Isn't Peace, It Is Creation
Posts: 28
|
Post by poofacekilla on Jul 2, 2005 11:07:23 GMT -5
"The One I Let Go"
She was the type of girl you never thought you would be with. The type of girl you had dreams about. The type of girl that got looks all around. Her skin, like velvet to the touch, And a soft caramel color. With hair as soft as silk. And eyes shimmering, as though they were diamonds glistening in the sun. She was the type of girl that was as perfect as perfect can be. I remember her, as though I had just seen her yesterday. And as I sit, I ask myself, Why did i let her go? And now she is my broken heart.
plz c&c this poem
|
|
poofacekilla
Irradiated Lemon
The Opposite of War Isn't Peace, It Is Creation
Posts: 28
|
Post by poofacekilla on Jul 12, 2005 18:04:01 GMT -5
lol i guess no one likes my poem
|
|
|
Post by Abstract on Jul 13, 2005 11:42:33 GMT -5
This one is interesting too, and I just want to take the time to critique it properly. As soon as I have some time, I'll go over both of them.
|
|
|
Post by Abstract on Jul 14, 2005 21:33:46 GMT -5
Another short to the point poem, I admit I like that style. However, as a female, I can't really identify with the loss of this woman. There are some nice similies and you use your words well. This is an ok poem, but not as good (in my opinion, as in my level of satisfaction after having read it) as the other one.
|
|
poofacekilla
Irradiated Lemon
The Opposite of War Isn't Peace, It Is Creation
Posts: 28
|
Post by poofacekilla on Jul 18, 2005 7:03:51 GMT -5
lol there was no woman... just the poem
|
|
|
Post by Abstract on Jul 18, 2005 19:57:34 GMT -5
Oh, I guess I'm too literal...
|
|
poofacekilla
Irradiated Lemon
The Opposite of War Isn't Peace, It Is Creation
Posts: 28
|
Post by poofacekilla on Jul 19, 2005 21:23:07 GMT -5
no, everyone thinks there was a chick, but there wasnt... i just like trickin folks lol
|
|
|
Post by Abstract on Jul 22, 2005 21:02:33 GMT -5
Well, at least you know you are good at what you do. If you conveyed the emotion of loss so well that everyone thinks there was a girl, then you must be doing something right.
|
|